Today we will return to another clip of a conversation between Tim Ferriss and Dr. Gabor Maté. In this clip (6:54) they discuss compassionate inquiry, trauma and recovery.
Tim begins by discussing some of his own unhelpful coping mechanisms for dealing with his trauma. While describing his friend who had a very negative opinion of her own coping mechanisms, her therapist posed the question: “Did these ever serve you?”
Instead of reacting negatively to these coping mechanisms, Tim instead suggests that we thank these parts of ourselves and the role they played, and then recognise that they are no longer needed.
Following this realisation, Tim began to apply love and kindness meditation to himself. While he had previously applied this to others, he had never turned the same love and kindness inwards, to the other versions of himself that had these behaviours that he had come to hate. By acknowledging the utility of such behaviours and the contexts surrounding them, we can better reconcile ourselves with our present self and create a safe space from which we can move forward.
Dr. Gabor Maté reinforces and agrees with Tim’s approach, labelling it as ‘compassionate inquiry’. In this way we are not asking ourselves why we did something in an aggressive or blaming way, but instead seeking to really understand motives and situations.
While these unhelpful coping mechanisms did serve us at a particular point in time, they are no longer needed or no longer helpful. In this way, Dr. Maté likens them to a ‘stupid friend’, who keeps suggesting the same approach when the needs of the situation have changed.
Instead, thank it, love it, and let it go.
Dr. Maté similarly stresses that trauma is not what happens to you, it is what happens inside you. It can leave to a disconnection from our emotions and body. It can create a negative view of ourselves and the world, and a defensive view of others. These perspectives can show up in the present moment as the ‘stupid friend’. Trauma is not just the initiating event, but the manifestations in the present.
If the disconnection from ourselves is the essence of trauma, the core of healing is reconnection. By reconnecting with our emotions and body following a traumatic event, Dr. Maté believes that we can then recover.
Wishing you a wonderful week,
TCS Team
Image credit: https://unsplash.com/@translytranslations
