Attachment vs. Authenticity

This week we will be taking a look at another clip of a conversation between Tim Ferriss and Dr. Gabor Maté (6:27).

Tim poses the question of pitting the need of attachment against the need of authenticity.

Dr. Maté discusses the common fear within disagreements between couples that the full expression of one’s true emotions may harm the other person, but that the withholding of these emotions is inauthentic.

Attachment is defined by Dr. Maté as the need for closeness and connection with another person for the sake of being taken care of, or for the sake of taking care of the other person. When this isn’t met, we get grief and panic. We are wired to attach, and as infants, our dependence is absolute.

But being authentic is also a need. Authenticity is knowing what we feel, and being able to act on what we feel.

Too often, when attachment is threatened by negative emotions, we supress these, at the same time supressing our authentic selves.

In many ways, this discussion likens to Dr. Maté’s coverage of the processing of anger and rage. Many of the points discussed by Dr. Maté in the clip can assist in working through the attachment vs. authenticity dilemma. We have covered Dr. Maté clip surrounding anger and rage previously in our blog and would recommend checking it out if today’s instalment has caught your attention.

Wishing you a wonderful week,

TCS Team

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